I don't remember much. I kind of try not to, you know?
[ She choked a reply. The last things he needed to remember was that death. ] It happened pretty quickly.
[ Painless, to say the least but she could see the worry on his face, and falling on her eyes and her expression. There wasn't any other way to say what he wanted to hear. Being the way she was and in the position she was, she was taken by surprise when he pulled her again against him. She could hear the faint sounds of his heart beat, and all she could down was hug him in return.
Honestly, this situation was becoming odd. ]
E-Easy there, Zero. I'm fine, really.
[ though the guilt was a whole other story and a whole can of worms she's not sure she wants to open up right now. The red was probably something far worse than Sebastian killing her. ]
[He held her in his arms, fingers locked at the nape of her hair entwined within the dark locks until he heard her speak words that held little meaning to a heart that was breaking beneath a confession he had prayed never to hear again. The way she dismissed it, as if her death could mean so little to him. She had died just like Ichiru... just like his parents. And he? He continued to live unable to save the only people who mattered to him. What did it matter how strong he'd grown if he couldn't even protect them?! And here she was, speaking to him as if it meant nothing. As if he should feel nothing. But he wasn't a machine, and yet they always expected him to accept it as fact, as if it didn't tear him apart knowing he had lost them.]
.....
[He pulled away, his eyes drowning in a sea of grey. If she wanted him to accept it like a machine then he'd do it. After everything she'd done for him, it was the least he could do.]
Whe--
[The lump in his throat was lodged so deep he couldn't swallow past it. It hurt to speak. To sit there and pretend he wasn't breaking, but he pushed past it. For her, he pushed past it.]
[ ever since she arrived here, this form of comfort had been helping her significantly in a manner that she can't quite understand but she felt safe. His gestures comforting to her who had been a little light headed. Even though he looked better physically, she could tell the way she spoke worried him.
Zero wasn't the type of person that would easily brush past death. She hardly knew about his parents or Ichiru's death. She did understand that she might have been too casual Wythe her response, this she looked up at his pained expression, lightly brushing her fingers against his face. She swallowed the words she wanted to say. 'It's not your fault.' Even if she said that he would still feel responsible.
Her brows knitted together more at his expression. She lowered her hand after that gesture, looking down. She never wanted him to know certain things. They all were like cans of worms waiting to be opened. ]
I'm sorry Zero. I know this is a lot on you after what we argued over. I never meant for any of that to happen. As for Sebastian, it was a while after you were taken from the facility.
[And there lay the answer. It was the same with Ichiru. She had died because he hadn't been there.]
......
[It was a hard pill to swallow, too hard. He looked away unable to look at her and remain whole, already his facade was cracking but he kept the pieces from falling apart.]
[ Ishtar looked a little more worried as his reaction was not normal. She was used to him getting a bit angry if anything, yet at the same time, he wasn't doing any of that. His tone was strained and she knew it. She hugged him instead, tightly, squeezing his waist. ]
I'm always causing you all kinds of worry don't I?
[ She said softly, if not a bit sadly. It wasn't like he had control over what the Facility wanted with them. They took people as they pleased and returned them just the same. Zero wouldn't have been able to do much even if he tried, especially against a force like that. It took them forever just to end the carnage, and even then, everything felt extremely empty.
She still remembered freshly, how many bodies she, Zero and Lavi had buried of the Consortium after their deaths. Then the deaths of their comrades, and those they held dear. One by one, they were falling. Ishtar fought back the thoughts that were resurfacing, keeping herself held together as much as she could. It was hard to admit that she was falling apart. ]
[ She shook her head. She was feeling uneasy with his lack of action. He was usually more animated than this. He tone was sad as she continued. ]
What have we become, really?
[ Rhetorical, if anything. The answers were clear. There was little to delve on. ]
I wasn't trying to lie to you.. The subjects were never brought up.
Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it and others, I'd rather not worry you or anyone else about. Maybe I've always been like this and it got worse as the times passed.
[ She paused. ]
No one ever wanted to listen to me before. No one wanted to hear what I had to say, or ask what I wanted. I guess somewhere along the way, it became natural... you know-- not necessarily lying, but just-- not saying anything at all.
[ Honestly, right now? She's not sure. Ishtar could only look at the hand that rested on her shoulder for a moment. ]
...
I don't-- this is way to sudden. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish, like what more could this spoiled princess want? She has everything you know?
[ Except that's a lie in all its glory. ] Yet, I never really asked for those things. Maybe I just want to run away, never go back and not be responsible. I've always wanted to be normal...just a simple person, with a name, no titles, no riches, just a simple....person....maybe like right now.
No one knows about my lineage, and no one treats me any different. It's one of the few things that I like about you, Zero. You don't change the way you treat me, even though you know about my past. Hahha, I don't even know where I'm getting at anymore.
I guess you're right, but I'm always causing trouble for you.
[ She nodded her head as he shoulder was squeezed ]
Of course I know that but I think about it like that sometimes you know? It always kind of sits in the back of my mind but I know it won't change a damn thing. It won't do me good to run away, but hey, maybe it's better that way, so I don't have to keep hurting people without trying to.
[ There's maybe a soft smile tugging at her lips. ]
Not at all. I think it's better for me to help you out. You're always doing everything on your own and you never ask for help. Someone's gotta keep pushing you somehow. I can't always let you do the work you know.
[ She replied with sort of frowning pout when he rested his hand o her head. ]
You don't know that for a fact, Zero.
[ There's almost a sad tone to her words. Not hurting anyone. Well, how could she explain what she had done under the influence of Facility to him? She wasn't as clean as he seemed to think she was. ]
[A muted sigh as he drops his hand from her head, seeing that frown.]
Yes, I do.
[The solemn tone has him looking at her more closely. He'd known her long enough to know she'd never hurt anyone if she could help it because at her core, she was a --]
[ Ishtar laughed almost a bit bitterly. She just hugged him again. Ah, maybe this conversation was too much for someone with blood loss, because she was getting terribly dizzy, maybe a bit drowsy on that part. ]
You're always saying things like this, even though you know I've got a lot hidden from you. Even now.
[ Admittedly, she wasn't too afraid to tell him those things right now. Maybe, it was better to tell him the truth and help her get better somehow. Ishtar didn't fully believe that but talking to Zero it helped get rid of a large amount of weight on her chest. ]
...Haha, I wonder how many people I hurt while healing.....
[He knew she must be tired, maybe even a little dizzy after giving up so much blood so when she moved to hug him, Zero let her with no complaints. It was the least he could do.]
It doesn't matter what you hide from me Ishtar. [He leans back against the tree, letting her settle on him more comfortably.]
It doesn't change who you are. [He touches his chest, right above where his heart beat.]
The healing process isn't always comfortable. Sometimes, pain is needed to heal larger wounds.
[ It's not like she wants to hide things but there's too much that she has to say. It might hurt him more hearing them, but maybe she could be a bit more open about certain things now. ]
You're too much of a good guy sometimes, you know that? You shouldn't let people push you around like that.
[ She lets go of his neck after hugging him and comfortably situated herself against his chest since it seemed to be a little more comfortable for the slight pain she was still feeling from the bite marks. At least the blood won't rush to her head. ]
I guess that's true. I don't think I've changed all that much. Maybe, we'll talk like this when I don't feel so light headed.
[ She mused after a pause. ]
No kidding. I wish I could just forget the pain and not feel it, but that's kind of ridiculous of a thought.
I'm not who you think I am, Ishtar. Not anymore. The Zero you knew... we're not the same.
[Words meant to distance her from him, yet he curls an arm around her to make her more comfortable as she settled herself on top of him.]
......
[Zero goes quiet after those words, he could feel the warmth radiating off her but it does little to dispel the guilt. She was feeling pain because of him.]
I'm sorry. [His fingers slide into her hair, settling there.] I can't take the pain away.
[He wasn't a Pureblood who could relieve her pain with a simple touch. Zero was made to be a weapon, and weapons left nothing but pain and heartache in their wake. He'd always known that, but never was it so clear as now with Ishtar snuggled into him, tired and in pain because of him.]
Funny, since I don't really care if you're not the same Zero. You're still Zero and that's all I have always cared about. I don't think that will ever change, no matter what kind of stuff you end up saying to me.
[ She mused, while settling herself rather comfortably as his arm rests around her. ]
It's not your fault and I'm not referring to the pain from the bite. If your mind is wrapped around those thoughts, get rid of them. I have never blamed you for anything and I'm not going to start to be honest. I think you have enough pain on your own plate as is.
[ She clarified sternly, and weakly jabbing him in the chest because she knew he might be thinking of stuff like that because Zero was Zero. He could say he changed, but she hadn't seen too much change on his part. He was same old, grumpy, caring and self blaming idiot. Yet, she still cared about him. ]
I mean stuff that hurts more than getting bit and nah, I wouldn't want you to do something like erase my pain anyway. It kind of feels like I'm running away from reality if I did that. That's why, I can think about it but I'm never going to really do it.
I just do and cuz I trust you. You don't have to tell me everything for me to understand that.
[ She's going to laugh at him for that comment. ]
Do I really? I just say what's on my mind. There's nothing to it. You know this. Now stop being an idiot and try to be happy. You deserve it after all.
[The sound of her laughter pulls him from his negative thoughts and rather than linger on them which will only upset her, Zero settles back against the wall he's leaning against.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
4/4
Date: 2015-11-03 03:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-03 04:55 am (UTC)[ She choked a reply. The last things he needed to remember was that death. ] It happened pretty quickly.
[ Painless, to say the least but she could see the worry on his face, and falling on her eyes and her expression. There wasn't any other way to say what he wanted to hear. Being the way she was and in the position she was, she was taken by surprise when he pulled her again against him. She could hear the faint sounds of his heart beat, and all she could down was hug him in return.
Honestly, this situation was becoming odd. ]
E-Easy there, Zero. I'm fine, really.
[ though the guilt was a whole other story and a whole can of worms she's not sure she wants to open up right now. The red was probably something far worse than Sebastian killing her. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 01:49 am (UTC).....
[He pulled away, his eyes drowning in a sea of grey. If she wanted him to accept it like a machine then he'd do it. After everything she'd done for him, it was the least he could do.]
Whe--
[The lump in his throat was lodged so deep he couldn't swallow past it. It hurt to speak. To sit there and pretend he wasn't breaking, but he pushed past it. For her, he pushed past it.]
When... did it happen?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 02:07 am (UTC)Zero wasn't the type of person that would easily brush past death. She hardly knew about his parents or Ichiru's death. She did understand that she might have been too casual Wythe her response, this she looked up at his pained expression, lightly brushing her fingers against his face. She swallowed the words she wanted to say. 'It's not your fault.' Even if she said that he would still feel responsible.
Her brows knitted together more at his expression. She lowered her hand after that gesture, looking down. She never wanted him to know certain things. They all were like cans of worms waiting to be opened. ]
I'm sorry Zero. I know this is a lot on you after what we argued over. I never meant for any of that to happen. As for Sebastian, it was a while after you were taken from the facility.
1/2
Date: 2015-11-05 02:22 am (UTC)Don't.
You don't need to apologize, Ishtar.
[She didn't need to hold back because of him, yet he knew now that it was exactly what she'd been doing. All this time...]
2/2
Date: 2015-11-05 02:24 am (UTC)......
[It was a hard pill to swallow, too hard. He looked away unable to look at her and remain whole, already his facade was cracking but he kept the pieces from falling apart.]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 02:41 am (UTC)I'm always causing you all kinds of worry don't I?
[ She said softly, if not a bit sadly. It wasn't like he had control over what the Facility wanted with them. They took people as they pleased and returned them just the same. Zero wouldn't have been able to do much even if he tried, especially against a force like that. It took them forever just to end the carnage, and even then, everything felt extremely empty.
She still remembered freshly, how many bodies she, Zero and Lavi had buried of the Consortium after their deaths. Then the deaths of their comrades, and those they held dear. One by one, they were falling. Ishtar fought back the thoughts that were resurfacing, keeping herself held together as much as she could. It was hard to admit that she was falling apart. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 02:53 am (UTC)... So do I.
[He never looked up.]
When was it that you couldn't tell me truth anymore?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 03:02 am (UTC)[ She shook her head. She was feeling uneasy with his lack of action. He was usually more animated than this. He tone was sad as she continued. ]
What have we become, really?
[ Rhetorical, if anything. The answers were clear. There was little to delve on. ]
I wasn't trying to lie to you.. The subjects were never brought up.
Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it and others, I'd rather not worry you or anyone else about. Maybe I've always been like this and it got worse as the times passed.
[ She paused. ]
No one ever wanted to listen to me before. No one wanted to hear what I had to say, or ask what I wanted. I guess somewhere along the way, it became natural... you know-- not necessarily lying, but just-- not saying anything at all.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:03 am (UTC)What do you want, Ishtar?
1/2
Date: 2015-11-05 04:18 am (UTC)....
[ She doesn't even know how to answer that. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:23 am (UTC)...
I don't-- this is way to sudden. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish, like what more could this spoiled princess want? She has everything you know?
[ Except that's a lie in all its glory. ] Yet, I never really asked for those things. Maybe I just want to run away, never go back and not be responsible. I've always wanted to be normal...just a simple person, with a name, no titles, no riches, just a simple....person....maybe like right now.
No one knows about my lineage, and no one treats me any different. It's one of the few things that I like about you, Zero. You don't change the way you treat me, even though you know about my past. Hahha, I don't even know where I'm getting at anymore.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:47 am (UTC)Your titles don't change who you are, Ishtar.
[He squeezes her shoulder.]
Running away from them.... being someone else. It won't make you any happier.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:57 am (UTC)[ She nodded her head as he shoulder was squeezed ]
Of course I know that but I think about it like that sometimes you know? It always kind of sits in the back of my mind but I know it won't change a damn thing. It won't do me good to run away, but hey, maybe it's better that way, so I don't have to keep hurting people without trying to.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-06 03:56 am (UTC)It's only when you put it in your head to help me that you cause me trouble.
[His hand slides on top of her head.]
You don't hurt anyone, Ishtar. It's not who you are.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-09 05:59 am (UTC)Not at all. I think it's better for me to help you out. You're always doing everything on your own and you never ask for help. Someone's gotta keep pushing you somehow. I can't always let you do the work you know.
[ She replied with sort of frowning pout when he rested his hand o her head. ]
You don't know that for a fact, Zero.
[ There's almost a sad tone to her words. Not hurting anyone. Well, how could she explain what she had done under the influence of Facility to him? She wasn't as clean as he seemed to think she was. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 04:06 am (UTC)Yes, I do.
[The solemn tone has him looking at her more closely. He'd known her long enough to know she'd never hurt anyone if she could help it because at her core, she was a --]
You're a healer. You save people.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-14 01:32 am (UTC)You're always saying things like this, even though you know I've got a lot hidden from you. Even now.
[ Admittedly, she wasn't too afraid to tell him those things right now. Maybe, it was better to tell him the truth and help her get better somehow. Ishtar didn't fully believe that but talking to Zero it helped get rid of a large amount of weight on her chest. ]
...Haha, I wonder how many people I hurt while healing.....
no subject
Date: 2015-11-30 07:25 am (UTC)It doesn't matter what you hide from me Ishtar. [He leans back against the tree, letting her settle on him more comfortably.]
It doesn't change who you are. [He touches his chest, right above where his heart beat.]
The healing process isn't always comfortable. Sometimes, pain is needed to heal larger wounds.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-03 07:18 pm (UTC)You're too much of a good guy sometimes, you know that? You shouldn't let people push you around like that.
[ She lets go of his neck after hugging him and comfortably situated herself against his chest since it seemed to be a little more comfortable for the slight pain she was still feeling from the bite marks. At least the blood won't rush to her head. ]
I guess that's true. I don't think I've changed all that much. Maybe, we'll talk like this when I don't feel so light headed.
[ She mused after a pause. ]
No kidding. I wish I could just forget the pain and not feel it, but that's kind of ridiculous of a thought.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-04 05:34 pm (UTC)I'm not who you think I am, Ishtar. Not anymore. The Zero you knew... we're not the same.
[Words meant to distance her from him, yet he curls an arm around her to make her more comfortable as she settled herself on top of him.]
......
[Zero goes quiet after those words, he could feel the warmth radiating off her but it does little to dispel the guilt. She was feeling pain because of him.]
I'm sorry. [His fingers slide into her hair, settling there.] I can't take the pain away.
[He wasn't a Pureblood who could relieve her pain with a simple touch. Zero was made to be a weapon, and weapons left nothing but pain and heartache in their wake. He'd always known that, but never was it so clear as now with Ishtar snuggled into him, tired and in pain because of him.]
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 01:48 am (UTC)Funny, since I don't really care if you're not the same Zero. You're still Zero and that's all I have always cared about. I don't think that will ever change, no matter what kind of stuff you end up saying to me.
[ She mused, while settling herself rather comfortably as his arm rests around her. ]
It's not your fault and I'm not referring to the pain from the bite. If your mind is wrapped around those thoughts, get rid of them. I have never blamed you for anything and I'm not going to start to be honest. I think you have enough pain on your own plate as is.
[ She clarified sternly, and weakly jabbing him in the chest because she knew he might be thinking of stuff like that because Zero was Zero. He could say he changed, but she hadn't seen too much change on his part. He was same old, grumpy, caring and self blaming idiot. Yet, she still cared about him. ]
I mean stuff that hurts more than getting bit and nah, I wouldn't want you to do something like erase my pain anyway. It kind of feels like I'm running away from reality if I did that. That's why, I can think about it but I'm never going to really do it.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 03:02 am (UTC)You always know what to say....
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 03:36 am (UTC)[ She's going to laugh at him for that comment. ]
Do I really? I just say what's on my mind. There's nothing to it. You know this. Now stop being an idiot and try to be happy. You deserve it after all.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 04:59 am (UTC)[The sound of her laughter pulls him from his negative thoughts and rather than linger on them which will only upset her, Zero settles back against the wall he's leaning against.]
Do you plan on sleeping on me?
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