[ She shook her head. She was feeling uneasy with his lack of action. He was usually more animated than this. He tone was sad as she continued. ]
What have we become, really?
[ Rhetorical, if anything. The answers were clear. There was little to delve on. ]
I wasn't trying to lie to you.. The subjects were never brought up.
Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it and others, I'd rather not worry you or anyone else about. Maybe I've always been like this and it got worse as the times passed.
[ She paused. ]
No one ever wanted to listen to me before. No one wanted to hear what I had to say, or ask what I wanted. I guess somewhere along the way, it became natural... you know-- not necessarily lying, but just-- not saying anything at all.
[ Honestly, right now? She's not sure. Ishtar could only look at the hand that rested on her shoulder for a moment. ]
...
I don't-- this is way to sudden. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish, like what more could this spoiled princess want? She has everything you know?
[ Except that's a lie in all its glory. ] Yet, I never really asked for those things. Maybe I just want to run away, never go back and not be responsible. I've always wanted to be normal...just a simple person, with a name, no titles, no riches, just a simple....person....maybe like right now.
No one knows about my lineage, and no one treats me any different. It's one of the few things that I like about you, Zero. You don't change the way you treat me, even though you know about my past. Hahha, I don't even know where I'm getting at anymore.
I guess you're right, but I'm always causing trouble for you.
[ She nodded her head as he shoulder was squeezed ]
Of course I know that but I think about it like that sometimes you know? It always kind of sits in the back of my mind but I know it won't change a damn thing. It won't do me good to run away, but hey, maybe it's better that way, so I don't have to keep hurting people without trying to.
[ There's maybe a soft smile tugging at her lips. ]
Not at all. I think it's better for me to help you out. You're always doing everything on your own and you never ask for help. Someone's gotta keep pushing you somehow. I can't always let you do the work you know.
[ She replied with sort of frowning pout when he rested his hand o her head. ]
You don't know that for a fact, Zero.
[ There's almost a sad tone to her words. Not hurting anyone. Well, how could she explain what she had done under the influence of Facility to him? She wasn't as clean as he seemed to think she was. ]
[A muted sigh as he drops his hand from her head, seeing that frown.]
Yes, I do.
[The solemn tone has him looking at her more closely. He'd known her long enough to know she'd never hurt anyone if she could help it because at her core, she was a --]
[ Ishtar laughed almost a bit bitterly. She just hugged him again. Ah, maybe this conversation was too much for someone with blood loss, because she was getting terribly dizzy, maybe a bit drowsy on that part. ]
You're always saying things like this, even though you know I've got a lot hidden from you. Even now.
[ Admittedly, she wasn't too afraid to tell him those things right now. Maybe, it was better to tell him the truth and help her get better somehow. Ishtar didn't fully believe that but talking to Zero it helped get rid of a large amount of weight on her chest. ]
...Haha, I wonder how many people I hurt while healing.....
[He knew she must be tired, maybe even a little dizzy after giving up so much blood so when she moved to hug him, Zero let her with no complaints. It was the least he could do.]
It doesn't matter what you hide from me Ishtar. [He leans back against the tree, letting her settle on him more comfortably.]
It doesn't change who you are. [He touches his chest, right above where his heart beat.]
The healing process isn't always comfortable. Sometimes, pain is needed to heal larger wounds.
[ It's not like she wants to hide things but there's too much that she has to say. It might hurt him more hearing them, but maybe she could be a bit more open about certain things now. ]
You're too much of a good guy sometimes, you know that? You shouldn't let people push you around like that.
[ She lets go of his neck after hugging him and comfortably situated herself against his chest since it seemed to be a little more comfortable for the slight pain she was still feeling from the bite marks. At least the blood won't rush to her head. ]
I guess that's true. I don't think I've changed all that much. Maybe, we'll talk like this when I don't feel so light headed.
[ She mused after a pause. ]
No kidding. I wish I could just forget the pain and not feel it, but that's kind of ridiculous of a thought.
I'm not who you think I am, Ishtar. Not anymore. The Zero you knew... we're not the same.
[Words meant to distance her from him, yet he curls an arm around her to make her more comfortable as she settled herself on top of him.]
......
[Zero goes quiet after those words, he could feel the warmth radiating off her but it does little to dispel the guilt. She was feeling pain because of him.]
I'm sorry. [His fingers slide into her hair, settling there.] I can't take the pain away.
[He wasn't a Pureblood who could relieve her pain with a simple touch. Zero was made to be a weapon, and weapons left nothing but pain and heartache in their wake. He'd always known that, but never was it so clear as now with Ishtar snuggled into him, tired and in pain because of him.]
Funny, since I don't really care if you're not the same Zero. You're still Zero and that's all I have always cared about. I don't think that will ever change, no matter what kind of stuff you end up saying to me.
[ She mused, while settling herself rather comfortably as his arm rests around her. ]
It's not your fault and I'm not referring to the pain from the bite. If your mind is wrapped around those thoughts, get rid of them. I have never blamed you for anything and I'm not going to start to be honest. I think you have enough pain on your own plate as is.
[ She clarified sternly, and weakly jabbing him in the chest because she knew he might be thinking of stuff like that because Zero was Zero. He could say he changed, but she hadn't seen too much change on his part. He was same old, grumpy, caring and self blaming idiot. Yet, she still cared about him. ]
I mean stuff that hurts more than getting bit and nah, I wouldn't want you to do something like erase my pain anyway. It kind of feels like I'm running away from reality if I did that. That's why, I can think about it but I'm never going to really do it.
I just do and cuz I trust you. You don't have to tell me everything for me to understand that.
[ She's going to laugh at him for that comment. ]
Do I really? I just say what's on my mind. There's nothing to it. You know this. Now stop being an idiot and try to be happy. You deserve it after all.
[The sound of her laughter pulls him from his negative thoughts and rather than linger on them which will only upset her, Zero settles back against the wall he's leaning against.]
Probably. I shouldn't move too much and it's kind of comfortable, safe.
[ She replied. His voice was already slowly drifting from her ears as she was lulled slowly into sleep. Also meaning she's not moving anytime soon. She's way too comfortable right now, sorry. Ishtar kind of made it a bit of a stupid habit to sleep on him a lot. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 02:53 am (UTC)... So do I.
[He never looked up.]
When was it that you couldn't tell me truth anymore?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 03:02 am (UTC)[ She shook her head. She was feeling uneasy with his lack of action. He was usually more animated than this. He tone was sad as she continued. ]
What have we become, really?
[ Rhetorical, if anything. The answers were clear. There was little to delve on. ]
I wasn't trying to lie to you.. The subjects were never brought up.
Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it and others, I'd rather not worry you or anyone else about. Maybe I've always been like this and it got worse as the times passed.
[ She paused. ]
No one ever wanted to listen to me before. No one wanted to hear what I had to say, or ask what I wanted. I guess somewhere along the way, it became natural... you know-- not necessarily lying, but just-- not saying anything at all.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:03 am (UTC)What do you want, Ishtar?
1/2
Date: 2015-11-05 04:18 am (UTC)....
[ She doesn't even know how to answer that. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:23 am (UTC)...
I don't-- this is way to sudden. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish, like what more could this spoiled princess want? She has everything you know?
[ Except that's a lie in all its glory. ] Yet, I never really asked for those things. Maybe I just want to run away, never go back and not be responsible. I've always wanted to be normal...just a simple person, with a name, no titles, no riches, just a simple....person....maybe like right now.
No one knows about my lineage, and no one treats me any different. It's one of the few things that I like about you, Zero. You don't change the way you treat me, even though you know about my past. Hahha, I don't even know where I'm getting at anymore.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:47 am (UTC)Your titles don't change who you are, Ishtar.
[He squeezes her shoulder.]
Running away from them.... being someone else. It won't make you any happier.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:57 am (UTC)[ She nodded her head as he shoulder was squeezed ]
Of course I know that but I think about it like that sometimes you know? It always kind of sits in the back of my mind but I know it won't change a damn thing. It won't do me good to run away, but hey, maybe it's better that way, so I don't have to keep hurting people without trying to.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-06 03:56 am (UTC)It's only when you put it in your head to help me that you cause me trouble.
[His hand slides on top of her head.]
You don't hurt anyone, Ishtar. It's not who you are.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-09 05:59 am (UTC)Not at all. I think it's better for me to help you out. You're always doing everything on your own and you never ask for help. Someone's gotta keep pushing you somehow. I can't always let you do the work you know.
[ She replied with sort of frowning pout when he rested his hand o her head. ]
You don't know that for a fact, Zero.
[ There's almost a sad tone to her words. Not hurting anyone. Well, how could she explain what she had done under the influence of Facility to him? She wasn't as clean as he seemed to think she was. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 04:06 am (UTC)Yes, I do.
[The solemn tone has him looking at her more closely. He'd known her long enough to know she'd never hurt anyone if she could help it because at her core, she was a --]
You're a healer. You save people.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-14 01:32 am (UTC)You're always saying things like this, even though you know I've got a lot hidden from you. Even now.
[ Admittedly, she wasn't too afraid to tell him those things right now. Maybe, it was better to tell him the truth and help her get better somehow. Ishtar didn't fully believe that but talking to Zero it helped get rid of a large amount of weight on her chest. ]
...Haha, I wonder how many people I hurt while healing.....
no subject
Date: 2015-11-30 07:25 am (UTC)It doesn't matter what you hide from me Ishtar. [He leans back against the tree, letting her settle on him more comfortably.]
It doesn't change who you are. [He touches his chest, right above where his heart beat.]
The healing process isn't always comfortable. Sometimes, pain is needed to heal larger wounds.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-03 07:18 pm (UTC)You're too much of a good guy sometimes, you know that? You shouldn't let people push you around like that.
[ She lets go of his neck after hugging him and comfortably situated herself against his chest since it seemed to be a little more comfortable for the slight pain she was still feeling from the bite marks. At least the blood won't rush to her head. ]
I guess that's true. I don't think I've changed all that much. Maybe, we'll talk like this when I don't feel so light headed.
[ She mused after a pause. ]
No kidding. I wish I could just forget the pain and not feel it, but that's kind of ridiculous of a thought.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-04 05:34 pm (UTC)I'm not who you think I am, Ishtar. Not anymore. The Zero you knew... we're not the same.
[Words meant to distance her from him, yet he curls an arm around her to make her more comfortable as she settled herself on top of him.]
......
[Zero goes quiet after those words, he could feel the warmth radiating off her but it does little to dispel the guilt. She was feeling pain because of him.]
I'm sorry. [His fingers slide into her hair, settling there.] I can't take the pain away.
[He wasn't a Pureblood who could relieve her pain with a simple touch. Zero was made to be a weapon, and weapons left nothing but pain and heartache in their wake. He'd always known that, but never was it so clear as now with Ishtar snuggled into him, tired and in pain because of him.]
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 01:48 am (UTC)Funny, since I don't really care if you're not the same Zero. You're still Zero and that's all I have always cared about. I don't think that will ever change, no matter what kind of stuff you end up saying to me.
[ She mused, while settling herself rather comfortably as his arm rests around her. ]
It's not your fault and I'm not referring to the pain from the bite. If your mind is wrapped around those thoughts, get rid of them. I have never blamed you for anything and I'm not going to start to be honest. I think you have enough pain on your own plate as is.
[ She clarified sternly, and weakly jabbing him in the chest because she knew he might be thinking of stuff like that because Zero was Zero. He could say he changed, but she hadn't seen too much change on his part. He was same old, grumpy, caring and self blaming idiot. Yet, she still cared about him. ]
I mean stuff that hurts more than getting bit and nah, I wouldn't want you to do something like erase my pain anyway. It kind of feels like I'm running away from reality if I did that. That's why, I can think about it but I'm never going to really do it.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 03:02 am (UTC)You always know what to say....
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 03:36 am (UTC)[ She's going to laugh at him for that comment. ]
Do I really? I just say what's on my mind. There's nothing to it. You know this. Now stop being an idiot and try to be happy. You deserve it after all.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 04:59 am (UTC)[The sound of her laughter pulls him from his negative thoughts and rather than linger on them which will only upset her, Zero settles back against the wall he's leaning against.]
Do you plan on sleeping on me?
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 05:03 am (UTC)[ She replied. His voice was already slowly drifting from her ears as she was lulled slowly into sleep. Also meaning she's not moving anytime soon. She's way too comfortable right now, sorry. Ishtar kind of made it a bit of a stupid habit to sleep on him a lot. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 05:09 am (UTC)If you drool on me, you're washing my clothes.
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 05:12 am (UTC)[ At this point she's probably gone and she doesn't drool for the most part. It's his fault for being so nice. ]
no subject
Date: 2015-12-05 05:25 am (UTC)....
[Zero lets her sleep through the night, staying still beneath her until she regains her strength.]