xroyal_bratx | cerealia inbox: ishtar

I can feel everything fine.

[ There's weird glitches every so often, but it probably had to do with something else and not the gas that was released. ]

When you hugged me earlier, it was warm.

[ She explained slowly. Ishtar noticed the whitening of his skin, and the change of his demeanor. She knew him well. He was probably slowly fuming at everything she was saying to him. Even if he chose to jump at her to make sure, she wouldn't stop him. Ishtar wasn't aware of how vampires of his world worked. Even if he chose to act like that as well, she wouldn't stop him. Ishtar was pretty tight lipped about things that she didn't want to be said and maybe it would take some force for her to actually talk. ]

[The anger didn't fade.]

You were gone for three days.

Three days without knowing if you were alive or dead. Or worse.

[His fingers tightened.]

And when you get back, you text me with your pathetic excuse of losing track of time! What kind of moron do you take me for?!

Why?!

Why is your first instinct always to lie to me?!

Edited 2015-09-21 03:55 (UTC)

[ Ishtar is avoiding any form of eye contact with him right now because of how strong his replies were coming at her. She's not sure how she was going to word any of this. What more did he want her to say? ]

Yeah, I didn't want to be gone for three days you know. I didn't have control over that. I know apologizing won't fix anything but I wasn't trying to get myself killed or anything. I'm sorry. I really am. I don't what I'm suppose to do to prove that to you.

[ ... ]

It's not a lie. I didn't know how much time passed! I don't think you're a moron. Don't put words in my mouth!

[ She snapped after he raised his voice Because god knows what happened. She probably died, and thinking about it, she didn't want to tell him that. ]

I'm not lying to you! I really wasn't aware of the time lapse or what happened beyond--

[ She stopped-- the explosion... ]

[Like a dog catching the scent of a lie he instantly pounces on that lapse.]

Beyond what?

[His tone is light and calm, a little too calm.]

[ Damn it. ]

...

[ It's kind of extremely worrisome how calm his voice. She didn't want to add anymore to his sorrow but he kept insisting that she should tell him what happened. ]

The bottom floor got overwhelmed with a lot of magical energy and something else. It exploded.

[ She slowly replied to him. She didn't like that he knew her well sometimes. It made it hard to avoid answering direct questions. If she could avoid the subject, it should be okay, but unfortunately, not when he's demanding things from her and staring her down like that. ]

............

[He was in the Facility too long not to ask the next question.]

Were you there when it exploded?

[He prompts because Ishtar clearly isn't going to answer fully otherwise.]

...

[ Seriously why does he want details?! Ishtar is fighting back the urge to ruffl her hair in frustration. ]

I was there... with two other people.

[ One of them took some of the magical energy and the other was blind... beyond that she couldn't really detail what happened to Jack and Chibi. ]

Edited 2015-09-21 07:36 (UTC)

[He's still.]

Were you hurt?

... I don't know beyond it exploding. I just remember waking up three days later.

[ though, that would deduct that she might have died, but Ishtar didn't really want to blurt that out loud. ]

[Days later.... like in the Facility.]

.......

[He wanted to walk away, to turn around and leave so he could destroy something to vent out the bubbling anger smoldering underneath the surface. She had been killed most likely, and he... he hadn't even know, couldn't have done anything even if he'd known.]

............

[He's silent for a long time, his gaze no longer on her but on the wall behind her. He needed to calm himself, to keep the boiling anger under control before he--]

You died.

[A statement.]

[ This is why she didn't want to say anything to him at all. It would make him this way, and none of this was his fault. He didn't initiate it nor was he there when it happened. He wasn't at fault and she would never blame him for what he couldn't control.

Hell, even if he could control it, she'd rather take the hit for it anyway. Thus, that nature of of Ishtar's selfless and reckless personality. Ishtar pushed her pets away from her, and pulled herself to her feet.

She didn't need to ask him to know what he was thinking right now, especially when his gaze was finally adverted form her. That was by no means a good thing either. She stepped over towards him, giving him a serious look when he stated that fact. ]

Maybe.

[ She replied softly. ] The sensation of dying isn't exactly something I would like to experience.

[ She paused a moment before speaking again, now that she was only a few inches from his person. ]

It's not your fault.

Edited 2015-09-24 01:05 (UTC)

[He stepped forward.]

Is that what you think? That I'm here blaming myself needing to be reassured?

I don't need to be comforted like some five year old.

[ Oh for the love of freaking Phelios! She's not taking his bullshit like this ]

I don't think, I know! Somewhere deep down, you're thinking stuff-- coming up with reasons why it could be your fault and I'm not trying to treat you like a kid. I just don't like to see you in pain, just as much you hate it when I'm in pain.

You understand that don't you? We both should, considering the amount of shit we've been thrown through.

You don't know anything.

[He's in front of her now, his eyes narrowed in pent up anger.]

You stand there, pretending to know what I think, what I feel?! Then, tell me Ishtar? [He steps closer, now effectively a foot away from her.]

What. Am I. Thinking now?

I know enough.

[ She challenged him. Ishtar always challenged him when it concerned these topics. She never seemed to back down because she knows! It's not that she knows everything, it's just the way he acted and how he was talking to her. Everything! It's not like it's a surprise, considering how close they are. He should know that.

Ishtar stared up at him this time, her eyes fixed on him, without adverting her gaze. ]

The hell I'm pretending. You and I, we know each other far too well to some extent to say things like this. I won't tell you that you aren't right when you can read me. That goes the same for me. I can tell small things, even if they're not obvious. You're always like this when it comes to these kinds of things. You're pissed off, worried, and you used to blame yourself. How do I not know you're not doing that right now when you're talking to me like this and the expression on your face.

[ She hated it. She hated seeing him like this. She hated arguing with him and she hated fighting him for these things. That's why she didn't talk about it. She was always hurting him. All she could remember was when that Skrull, who had his face told her-- she had a skill for having him make those kinds of painful expressions with Zero's face. She couldn't shake that out of her mind. ]

Dammit Zero, I'm don't want to argue over this!

["You're always like this when it comes to these things." What did she expect?! That he'd be fine with knowing she'd died! -- He didn't even know if she did! HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT?! WHAT DID SHE EXPECT FROM HIM?! TO ACCEPT IT WITHOUT A WORD! TO SHUT OFF HIS HEART AND PRETEND IT DIDN'T HURT?! THAT SHE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM?!]

What do you want from me then?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

Am I supposed to stand by and watch you get hurt at every turn without complaint?! I can't do that?! I CAN'T BE WHAT YOU WANT ME BE!

Edited 2015-09-28 02:22 (UTC)

[ It's honestly back to what they were talking about a long time ago. What did he want her to do? Nothing. She was just saying. Of course she can't stop his emotions from going out of control. That's him. That's a part of him that she couldn't change because deep down, they were very similar in regards to valuing the lives of others. She wasn't expecting him to walk away happily knowing she died. ]

Dammit Zero! I'm not telling you to act a certain way or change yourself! That's not the point here! What do want me to do?! Not get killed, not get hurt? Should I just watch other people get hurt instead and do nothing? I'm not a doll. I don't want to be a burden to you or anyone else. I want to be able to do things, protect you, and protect others, and if it means I get hurt in the process, that just what happens. I can take responsibility for myself!

I can't change that about myself just as you can't change how much you worry about me or anyone you care about. You deserve to be pissed off and worried, upset, and I'm sorry! I don't know what the hell else to do?! I just don't want you to make those faces. I hate it because I put those faces on you and I don't want that. I don't want you to be in pain or suffering because of me.

[ At this point, tears were welling at the corners of her eyes, because she was getting really worked up over this when she shouldn't be. She should just let it go, and accept it and let it go with the flow, but no. Ishtar wasn't the type to sit back and take it lying down. ]

[From the darkness, a scene unfurls from the smokey haze of stolen memories....

"Don't look!" He's clutching his throat, the bloodlust clawing at his sanity and behind him.... A shadow of a girl. He can't see her, but he knows she's there, drawing closer. "I told you to leave me alone!" He snaps, voice hoarse from the pain. "Why did you come here?!"

The girl approaches and cups his cheek. He jerks away, surprise clear in his eyes. He stares at the figure covered in darkness, her lips move but Isthar's words come out. Past and present clash, burning the scene. He reaches for it--her, but the pain of stolen memories is too great and he's clutching at his head while Ishtar's words filter through the haze.

"I just don't want you to make those faces. I hate it because I put those faces on you and I don't want that. I don't want you to be in pain or suffering because of me."

Another scene takes over the first, the figure of the unknown girl swept aside for someone firmly entrenched in his memories. Ishtar looks down, her voice cracking, barely keeping the tears at bay. "He.....kept making these faces...using your voice....your expressions........he--

...He said that it was easy for me to cause you to make painful expressions....

I'm......I'm sorry....I know it's....lying but--"]

--CRASH!--

[He slams a fist through the wall and falls to his knees as the memories from the Facility flood through making the pain unbearable.]

Edited 2015-09-29 03:25 (UTC)

[ Ishtar was confused for a long time, waiting for him to answer. Her outburst might have been a bit unreasonable, but if he wanted to demand answers from her, she was going to be honest about it. She was just sick and tired of being treated like a kid because she wasn't. She grew up. She wasn't able to defend herself from time to time, but she sure as hell could find a way out of a tough spot!

She just wanted him to trust her and he did, but at the same time he didn't and it wasn't his fault. It was also hers. Ishtar was just frustrated with all of this as much as he was, but she wasn't taking any of it lying down. He's someone she cared about. He was her family! She didn't want to see him suffer in any way because of her. It just hurts every time she thinks about it.

It was taking too long. He wasn't responding. There was a loud resonating sound of his fist connecting with the wall next to him and Ishtar winced at the sound of it. She closed her eyes momentarily before opening them again. He was on his knees. ]

Z-Zero!

[ Was she just hurting him. Is that was it was? She couldn't ever do anything right could she? She didn't know that she was triggering things that he had forgotten momentarily. She wasn't even aware that she was triggering them. She only thought that she was hurting him somehow, someway.

And she hated it.

She just threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly against her, tears welling the corner of her eyes and dripping down her face. ]

I'm sorry okay...? I'm sorry that I always do this.

Please... Zero don't hurt yourself anymore.

[Lashes of pain whipped through his mind, forcing him away from the memories of a girl who had cried the same words to him, only this time he could hear them clearly. The girl holding him now wasn't a shadow anymore but someone so firmly entrenched in his memories her cries pulled him away from the locked memories and back to the present. The pain receded slowly taking with it his anger from before.]

.......

[He heard her then, felt the way her shoulders shook between her sobs. It broke his heart to find her like this, in tears. Again. Because... because of him.]

Ish--tar. [His voice comes out hoarse, but his fingers are gentle as they slide into her hair.]

It's okay.

[He pulls her closer, the gesture the only small assurance he can give her soon after that episode. He didn't know who that girl had been, why the memory seemed so real... as if it had really happened. Pain blossomed at his temples, and he pulled away from that thought, focusing on the girl in front of him now. He pulled her into his arms, fingers curling behind her back as her cries seeped into his bones making them brittle with each tear that slid down her cheek.]

I'm sorry.... for everything.

Edited 2015-09-29 04:14 (UTC)

[ Ishtar wanted to ask him what happened for him to do what he did a moment ago, but a part of her already knew that it wasn't the right place or time to ask those questions right now. Instead, she clung to him more hugging him tightly. As he felt pain for hurting her, she felt the same for hurting him. It hadn't even been that long since they were here, together, and things like this still happened. Yet, Ishtar knew no matter what happened, there would be a conversation about this-- an argument.

It's just the way they are and she didn't want to always be like this, but she knew their personalities would always clash no matter what. It only made her more sad when he apologized. He was right. It wasn't his fault. They were both on edge, because of what happened. It was like a repeat of Facility, like a part of it was burned into their instincts, so they behaved that way when something similar happened.

She was sobbing softly, but at least she wasn't hysterical. The soothing gesture of his hand combing through her hair was calming her down. ]

...I'm sorry too. I'm sorry.

[ the apology was a lot more sincere and honest this time around, even though the first one was meant to be the same. She only wanted to help him, and protect him, even if she failed miserably at it. ]

[His fingers slowly stilled until he simply held her close, feeling the way she shook beneath his fingertips, and his hand moves down to brush her tears away.]

You don't need to do that... apologize.

[ Ishtar squeezed him tightly, somehow afraid of letting him go right now. She felt that she might lose him again if she let go and it wasn't a wonderful feeling. She never really had the courage to bring up things that she had to tell him just because she always felt that it would only hurt him, in which it did.

She couldn't win either way but it seemed like telling the truth was better than avoiding it. She wasn't crying as much anymore, but the corners of her eyes were still welled up with tears as he wiped them away. A gentle gesture that she always found comforting when she was upset. ]

But I do.

[His hold tightened just a fraction at that response. He shook his head slowly, his fingers itching to move, itching to-- but he held them still. His voice low.]

No. you don't.

You didn't do anything. It was...

[It was.... he didn't know what it was but it wasn't her. She didn't hurt him.]

... It wasn't your fault.

cerealia inbox: ishtar

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